One of the reasons that I find children so endearing is their simple straightforwardness. If your appearance look weird, they will stare, point, and tell your that you look weird.
Well, we have grown way past the age of staring and pointing at someone, but I feel like the older we are, the more devious we become. Professionally, I can understand why. It is probably not a good idea to tell your boss of his obvious comb over and that he smells like a sweating pig every Monday morning. Personally, however, sometimes I wish to get such simple answers from friends and family.
In “Utopia”, Thomas Moore portrays an idea of exposing your naked body in front of your counterpart before a marriage proposal. Using this method, both parties can accept each other as the unique individuals that they are. There are no false fronts. Similarly and on a mental level, I think the more we practice of exposing our mind to each other, the more we can avoid misunderstanding and pain.
You can sit there reading this post and agree to everything I say, but I bet you that you will do the exact same thing. People throw curve balls thinking that they won’t hurt the other party by doing so, but boy do those ball hurt when they hit.
This is why I like straightforward people. It doesn’t matter if you’re a family member, a friend, or a lover, don’t leave me in the dark and don’t string me along, because no matter how hard I try, I am the type that can’t easily forgive and forget. I might just pack my bag one day and leave without warnings, and being the proud, stubborn person that I am, I won’t be coming back.
Posted by Kahori on July 5, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Personally I would prefer someone lied to me. It would be less embarassing that way. In the wider scope you’d want your partner/fiance to be straightforward to you yes, but not infront of everyone else.
Posted by Jess on July 6, 2008 at 1:35 am
I have noticed that too, that as we get older it feels like we are more secretive and, devious, as you put it. Rather than either simply ignoring something, or blatantly announcing that something, people would whisper things or gossip behind the person’s back.
I would prefer straightforward people too, but I guess it has to be in a acceptable manner. If we disagree about something, such as a belief, we can discuss the fact that we disagree, but you may not challenge me and be angered because I do not want to change my beliefs to yours. I think people do grow by sharing and discussing, exposing our minds and thoughts, but that can also be difficult and lead to arguments if people can’t be open minded enough.
With partners, you would hope that your partner is open and honest with you about everything, and vice versa. With family, I guess you’d hope that they are the people who can be the most frank to you, and stand up to you about whatever situation. They are your family, and if they give constructive criticism it is out of care for you to grow and improve to be a better person, rather than watch you go down the wrong path.
Posted by Hev on July 6, 2008 at 1:40 am
You & me both! I would much rather know the truth then lies. This is one of the main reasons why I don’t have a boyfriend or a lover. I can’t stand the pussy footing around the subjects that they do.
I always try to tell it like it is. If I hate something I tell you so, though I will explain why & I will give suggestions to improve it. If I love it then I tell you so. I have been this way since I was a little girl. No, I won’t say I hate it in front of a crowd, I just refuse to give an opinion. Everyone that knows me knows not to ask me an opinion of something in front of anyone unless they are willing to handle the truth.
I guess that is why we get along so well, Rikkye. LOL
Posted by Karen on July 6, 2008 at 1:52 am
I totally agree. Straightforward people seem to be rare these days. I think another type of well…the lack of straightforwardness is, whenever I go visit relatives or whoever, they always remain courteous and they’re very nice towards me. But when I get home, I realize they’ve been telling my parents every single nit picky horrible thing I did when I visited there…thus, I get reprimanded. I would like it if they told ME while I was there, instead of going the other direction and telling my mom or dad. Iono. Maybe it’s different. But it’s definitely a pet peeve of mine.
I also don’t like it when people who are obviously in distress receive comments like “It’ll be okay.” or “Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be fine.” It’s…irritating.
haha. I think I went off in a tangent. xD
Posted by Thao on July 7, 2008 at 7:48 am
On a much simpler level, it’s like when you have something stuck in your teeth and it’s just hideous. Everyone can see it except you. It might be a little embarrassing when someone interrupts you to tell you that you have something stuck in your teeth, but it’s better than going the whole day without knowing until you get home just to wonder how long you’ve had it in your teeth. A perfect example of what happened to me….
I admit that there are times when I want to be straightforward but I end up backing out because of fear of being rude and offensive, especially to people who are so easily offended. However, being straightforward is much better than holding it in and bitching about it from the side, which my sister does all the time.
Posted by Xela on July 8, 2008 at 4:06 am
It’s like what the dude said in one of those Grey’s Anatomy episodes, I apologize for the horrible/rough paraphrase but you get the idea:
“Are we friends?”
“Yeah…I guess you can say so. Why?”
“Because if I was just some stranger I can just walk away and ignored it but if I am your friend, well…there’s a piece of vegetable that got stuck in between your teeth…just to let you know um… so you don’t embarrass yourself in public”
“…Oh..thanks”
Posted by Xela on July 8, 2008 at 4:32 am
“because no matter how hard I try, I am the type that can’t easily forgive and forget. I might just pack my bag one day and leave without warnings, and being the proud, stubborn person that I am, I won’t be coming back.”
I will be honest with you as well I guess…the thing is easier said than done. what you said about having harder time to forgive and forget will not mix well with straightforwardness in some case. You will be hurt either way. Because non-sugar-coated words hurt and if you cannot take it in the face, you will be upset regardless, it’s just a before/after affect. I’m not saying you can’t (from 2 years knowing angelic essence/nuwen, I know you are a strong person), but sometimes words can unknowingly cross the line. It’s actually hard for people to accept straightforwardness even if it is available. I think what we really need is straightforwardness with a nice attitude, but not overly done.
“You dress pretty lame…” with the arrogance and insulting tone is absolutely unacceptable. At least I can’t. But how about “Hey, do you want to go shopping together? I went window shopping the other day and I think a certain dress would look great on you. And well, how about spice up your wardrobe a little bit now that summer’s here?”
Okay maybe it’s still not straightforward but all I’m saying is, we can take straightforwardness at a certain level, but not fully and without circumstance. It’s very hard to say the truth when we are afraid to hurt one’s feeling, depending on how sensitive they are. What we should do is stop the big fat lies, say the truth with carefully worded sentences, with maybe a comforting end statement. Manipulative? Maybe. But what more can we do? And I know what I said is also easier said than done. Filthy hypocrite? Sure, sue me
Posted by Miss Sparkles on July 9, 2008 at 10:16 pm
wasn’t sure how to get hold of you, so thought i’d leave a message here.
thanks for the awesome design you put out there.
i’m using one as my theme.
xx
miss sparkles
Posted by Rebecca on July 14, 2008 at 10:10 pm
I appreciate straightforwardness when it is constructive and isn’t meant to hurt me.
IE Instead of “You dress pretty lame…” like Xela said, I would prefer: “I don’t think that style suits you”. The messages conveyed are somewhat equal, but the second clearly isn’t as hurtful.
I love what you said about before marriage and standing naked with each other. To accept each other body and mind alike, that would be quite accurate.
Posted by hiyokokun on July 20, 2008 at 7:12 pm
I agree too, i much prefer if someone straightforward to me. Although sometime it’s hurt to hear it but it much better than speak of it behind me. I’m truly truly hate it if someone not being straightforward to me.
btw, the story from that Grey’s Anatomy. I already experience it, luckily i also have this friend of mine who tell me about the vegetable. ^^
Posted by Viola on July 21, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Just passing through, read your post, and found myself agreeing with you…I’m surrounded by people who seem to be addicted to faking. Even if it hurts, I’d love to get the truth – the simple naked truth – because that’s what’s going to count in the end, not the other BS that surrounds it. Frustrating.
Posted by ayrim on August 1, 2008 at 1:23 pm
I would like to return to the age of 5 and conserve this innocence and be able to say whatever I feel, but when we grow up, hypocresy and shame appear in our personalities unfortunately. Sometimes trying to not injure people with our comments. Nice article.
Sorry about my English. Interesting blog!
Posted by Ai~ on August 11, 2008 at 6:15 am
I really enjoy reading what you write.
I did nod to everything you said, but yeah, we all are slaves to the imperative of political correctness every now and then. Straightforwardness, however, should never be confused with tactlessness. I believe walking the fine line between the two is an art in itself. 
Posted by Elizabeth on August 14, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Moore’s “Utopia” was written as irony, as sarcasm. It’s interesting that people take it seriously as if the outward appearance is what gets marriage to go the distance (think of Christopher Reeves and his wife–if it was only about outward appearance, why didn’t she leave after his accident?) Moore was commenting on the very shallowness that you address in your post–of “faking” or seeing only what appears on the surface–rather than taking the time to get to know someone’s qualities and habits and instincts.
Because in the end, isn’t it about taking time? And being honest, with kindness (not the silliness of the spinach in the teeth) takes time that many of us profess not to have, and often truly do not have. Better then, I think, the polite “shallowness” (also known as manners) than in-depth skewering all in the name of honesty.